I Feel Hurt and Angry

How can I learn to recognize what my needs are before I get hurt and angry?"

To raise this question means that you are well on your way to accomplishing this goal for yourself. It shows that you know you have needs and you know it is benefiting you to recognize them as early as you can. Having as much awareness as possible enables you to see more choices of behaviors to select when dealing with others and when making decisions.

The learning you want is a process and the step you are up to is to notice how you truly feel during an interaction or during decision making. Did you make an appointment with someone that you really don't want to be with? Did you choose to talk with/listen to a "friend" when you really didn't feel like it? Do you feel trapped in doing things for others in ways that don't feel good to you? Be not afraid to discover your true inner feelings ... notice if you have judgements against your true feelings. There's something healthy to do each step of the way in response to what you find in your self discovery. You can see this is like a coil that needs to be uncurled.

By the way, "hurt and angry" are flavors of feelings that have a bonafide place in your experience. They can be viewed as clues to find your true sense inside. A hurt that you feel today, is really an old feeling that is triggered in today's instance. The angering needs to be looked at with more discernment... look to find out more about it. See it's connection to angering you've felt at other times in your life. That early anger has been compounded by not expressing it clearly and with personal ownership. Most of us have associated anger and blame since we were very young and that's become a self limiting habit. Focusing our angering upon others distracts us from seeing our own energy and ownership of our very own feeling. By the way, the other person is not the cause but the trigger of our own inner angering. Once our inner anger is owned and expressed with ownership (not blame) it's not a hurtful thing.

As you allow yourself to recognize your feelings, you can see more clearly the healthy emotional boundary between you and others. You'll get a clearer sense of when to say "no thank you" to the mild or strong invitations (or demands) you feel to ditch yourself in favor of others wants.

You are the sole authority over you ...
There is no one who has authority over you ...
You are the only one responsible for caring for your mental and physical vehicles (bodies) ... if you don't take care of them ... they go into ill repair ...

You are wonderfully on the right track, keep going ...